I always try to come up with some lame, catchy title that will catch your attention . Today,this is the best that I can come up with. And, it has mostly to do with the weather.
Something happened a few weeks ago, or maybe it was a week ago or, maybe it was even a few months ago. I can’t quite pinpoint it down. It doesn't matter when it happened, that is beside the point.
I am in a funk.
A hormonal, crying like I’m 12, yelling like I’m 15, hormonal mess.
It is awesome as it sounds.
I thought that it was just a little bump in the road that would go away. Well, it’s surpassed a bump and now has turned into a big, old, sink hole. One in which I keep falling in.
To be honest, at first, I thought it was just the weight loss stuff. The fact that I couldn’t lose a pound to save my life & the simple fact that I could only gain. Then I started noticing that I started and kept crying for no reason. For example, I cried the other day because the shower was dirty. Pathetic….umm..yes. I think I was crying more about the fact that it was dirty and I was the one who had to clean it and it was just one more thing to add the list of the things that I haven’t gotten to.
Now, before you all start thinking I’m pregnant or pre-menopausal, I had a hysterectomy at 27. I’m 34. So, neither of those things are possible.
I have just hit a wall. An emotional wall. Unfortunately one that I can’t just keep plowing through with excuses of busyiness. I have to put on my big girl boots and deal with it.
So, I am going to. It’s so hard though. It would be easier if I didn’t tell anyone anything and just kept pretending like it was all ok. Frankly, I don’t even know what “IT” is.
I do know that I am dealing with some physical stuff. I have been to a a thyroid/hormone specialist. They took enough blood to make me pass out.I go back next week to see what is going on there. In the mean time I am on some Armour Thyroid. She will regulate this once we know more after the blood work comes back. (next Monday)
I also have been having these episodes/attacks. They come out of no where and scare the crap out of me! I think that I just might be hypo-glycemic. I have been reading up on this and when I do have an attack (4 this week) I eat some cheese and drink some apple juice. Needless to say, I eat a lot of cheese! These attacks just started coming out of nowhere. I blacked out the other day on the freeway with my 7 yr. old in the car. I know that there were angels with me that day. Luckily I was talking to my little sister on the phone who yelled at me to get off the freeway and pull over. Everything was fine, I was just really, really scared.
So, ever since the attacks, I have been eating “Body for Life” way, per my friend the nutrition professor’s advice. Not going to lie—it sucks, and it’s hard. The whole sugar issue is a hard one for me. When one is addicted to sugar, it is hard for one to get off of it. Hey,if I can kick Diet Coke, I can kick anything…right?
I also went to see a foot zoner who is also an emotional healer. Can I just say that I love her? This woman is one of the major blessing's that my life needs right now. I just figured it out. When I leave her, I feel like I can conquer whatever it is I am supposed to conquer. She is a tender mercy for me. I wonder if she will let me come over every day….
I don’t like to be scared. I don’t like to show people my weaknesses. I don’t like feeling like I need to walk around with an umbrella because something is going to fall on me (hypothetically of course)
I just feel like I am sitting at the bottom on my linen closet and everything in the closet keeps falling on me and I am trying to keep my head above the towels, sheets, curtains etc. (yes, I have an addiction to linens, it’s bad and I am facing it)
I decided to take my life one shelf at a time.
Why one shelf at a time? Well, I have to open my linen closet just so, or everything will fall out.
So, I am going to open my closet just so, and then tackle one shelf at a time. I will do this until I can swing open the door and know that nothing will fall on my head. Then, I will move onto my kitchen cupboards.
Please hang with me. I am still here. I just might not always be gluing, crafting or painting something. Although, I need to do more of that because it is my therapy.
Creating makes me happy!
Maybe, just maybe, I need to find my happy place again.
Thank you for being patient with me. I so appreciate it.
I do have a pretty cute polka dot umbrella though…..I do still have my priorities.
Love you all, your support means more to me than I could ever put into words.