Sunday, March 18, 2012

Feeling a little cloudy…

I always try to come up with some lame, catchy title that will catch your attention . Today,this is the best that I can come up with.  And, it has mostly to do with the weather.

Something happened a few weeks ago, or maybe it was a week ago or, maybe it was even a few months ago. I can’t quite pinpoint it down. It doesn't matter when it happened, that is beside the point.

I am in a funk.

A hormonal, crying like I’m 12, yelling like I’m 15, hormonal mess.

It is awesome as it sounds.

I thought that it was just  a little bump in the road that would go away. Well, it’s surpassed a bump and now has turned into a big, old, sink hole. One in which I keep falling in.

To be honest, at first, I thought it was just the weight loss stuff. The fact that I couldn’t lose a pound to save my life & the simple fact that  I could only gain.  Then I started noticing that I started and kept crying for no reason. For example, I cried the other day because the shower was dirty.  Pathetic….umm..yes. I think I was crying more about the fact that it was dirty and I was the one who had to clean it and it was just one more thing to add the list of the things that I haven’t gotten to.

Now, before you all start thinking I’m pregnant or pre-menopausal, I had a hysterectomy at 27. I’m 34. So, neither of those things are possible.

I have just hit a wall. An emotional wall. Unfortunately one that I can’t just keep plowing through with excuses of busyiness. I have to put on my big girl boots and deal with it.

So, I am going to. It’s so hard though. It would be easier if I didn’t tell anyone anything and just kept pretending like it was all ok. Frankly, I don’t even know what “IT” is.

I do know that I am dealing with some physical stuff. I have been to a a thyroid/hormone specialist. They took enough blood to make me pass out.I go back next week to see what is going on there. In the mean time I am on some Armour Thyroid. She will regulate this once we know more after the blood work comes back.                  (next Monday)

I also have been having these episodes/attacks. They come out of no where and scare the crap out of me! I think that I just might be hypo-glycemic. I have been reading up on this and when I do have an attack (4 this week) I eat some cheese and drink some apple juice. Needless to say, I eat a lot of cheese!  These attacks just started coming out of nowhere. I blacked out the other day on the freeway with my 7 yr. old in the car. I know that there were angels with me that day. Luckily I was talking to my little sister on the phone who yelled at me to get off the freeway and  pull over. Everything was fine, I was just really, really scared.

So, ever since the attacks, I have been eating “Body for Life” way, per my friend the nutrition professor’s advice.  Not going to lie—it sucks, and it’s hard. The whole sugar issue is a hard one for me. When one is addicted to sugar, it is hard for one to get off of it. Hey,if I can kick Diet Coke, I can kick anything…right?

I also went to see a foot zoner who is also an emotional healer. Can I just say that I love her?  This woman is one of the major blessing's that my life needs right now. I just figured it out. When I leave her, I feel like I can conquer whatever it is I am supposed to conquer.  She is a tender mercy for me.  I wonder if she will let me come over every day….Smile

I don’t like to be scared. I don’t like to show people my weaknesses. I don’t like feeling  like I need to walk around with an umbrella because something is going to fall on me (hypothetically of course)

I just feel like I am sitting at the bottom on my linen closet and everything in the closet keeps falling on me and I am trying to keep my head above the towels, sheets, curtains etc. (yes, I have an addiction to linens, it’s bad and I am facing it)

I decided to take my life one shelf at a time.

Why one shelf at a time? Well, I have to open my linen closet just so, or everything will fall out.

So, I am going to open my closet just so, and then tackle one shelf at a time. I will do this until I can swing open the door and know that nothing will fall on my head. Then, I will move onto my kitchen cupboards.

Please hang with me. I am still here. I just might not always be gluing, crafting or painting something. Although, I need to do more of that because it is my therapy. 

Creating makes me happy!

Maybe, just maybe, I need to find my happy place again.

Thank you for being patient with me. I so appreciate it.

I do have a pretty cute polka dot umbrella though…..I do still have my priorities.

Love you all, your support means more to me than I could ever put into words.

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12 comments :

  1. Take all of the time you need to push through...emotional crud is horrible to deal with and get past but it seems like you already have a plan in place. Hopefully, on the other side, you'll find benefit in what you are going through now. Sending prayers your way.

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  2. I'm in a funk lately too. I'm not quite sure exactly why. Some of it is fear, stress, and feelings of just not being good enough. I'm with you! Do what you havr to do to survive and thrive!
    You are awesome in my eyes!

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  3. Tausha,
    I got on FB tonight to waste time because it was easier than dealing with my own funk. Surprise, surprise. I can not tell you how much I needed to read your post tonight. I'm singing the same song here and don't know which way is up. You are awesome lady with rock star style and a laugh that's amazing. I'm with Michelle -- do what works for you! Know how much you're loved and looked up to. :)

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  4. Hi I am a fan, your a supper fun, lift my days kid of a girl, I found out my Vit D is low, getting that in balance was like have a spa visit, hang in there, hope all goes well as you take care of your needs and get the answers for your road ahead!!

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  5. Was wondering what you were up to, so I thought I would stop by. Thanks for being so honest. Sending love your way

    <3 <3 <3

    Risa

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  6. Life is hard...super hard and life is super not easy. Take a break, say no to things, and get well!! You are on the right path!

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  7. I haven't eaten anything that is sugary or starchy for nearly two months now, unless natural sugar in fruit and am feeling so much better. Only dropped 10 pounds but that's better than nothing, right? Hang in there.

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  8. health issues are scary... emotional things are scary... and the unknown is scary. but they DO get better and you WILL get through this season.
    hang in there!!

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  9. Take all the time you need. Sometime's being a girl is just a big pain in the butt right! HUGS****

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  10. Hi, this is my first time on your blog...I found your post on glazing (which was great by the way). I couldn't help but read your post for today, and I completely empathize with you. I hardly ever comment on blogs, but what you wrote hit very close to home. It sounded like me for the last 10 years of my life! I've had issues with my thyroid and other things. Anyway, I'm sure you get all kinds of people giving you health advice and what not, but if you are looking for something that will help, I do foot zone therapy and I know of several practitioners in your area, or close by, that could help you. If I was reading right you mentioned that you live in Ogden Utah, is that right? If you want more info you could email me at relivitup (at) yahoo. It's worth checking into, this is what changed my life, and I've seen it help so many people. I hope the best for you.

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  11. Take yourself to the doctor. You need some antidepressants. There is no shame in that. I had this same problem at your age. I figured I could work through it, but the problem was, I didn't have a clue what was making me depressed in the first place, so I didn't really know what I needed to fix. The doc gave me some Manerix which didn't make me feel doppy at all, but definitely made me feel just like me...like I was supposed to feel, except that little things that would normally bother me didn't (that's a bonus). And yes, in the end, it did turn out to be hormonal. Anyway, please, at least go talk to the doctor about this funk. And while you're there, tell him about these panic attacks before they take over your life. Good luck and get well. We're here for you.

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Thanks for stopping by. Hope that my craziness might have inspired you! I would to hear what you have to say. (as long as it is nice)

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